The Summer Solstice

The year is half over now. Today is the summer solstice. Just happens to be one of those special days of the year. We have gotten closer and Ashley has graduated and Jordyn completed her GED. Ashley is starting college in the fall and I think Jordyn may be also. My fingers are crossed. She has so much potential to be all she wants to be. I am so proud of my girls and happily things of the past are staying there, in the past. All of us are moving forward, and as much as it seemed to moving forward apart, I now see we are growing closer. Fathers day came and went and this year they were with me at church. Doesn't get better than that. And even though its not all the way to what I would call "perfect", it's really good right now. I'm feeling so blessed with where God has me. You girls have no idea how happy I am with you. I'm proud of the way you are taking charge of the next step in your life. Just knowing that you hear me and want my opinion, makes me feel like you are growing up. I guess that's the part has me feeling bad. I don't want you to grow up, but can't wait for you too either. The ole catch 22. I'm really no longer worried, you guys are making me so proud to be your dad. Thank you so much for all you are. TTP

It's a new year, and it came in the way the last went out, without them. 2012 is gone and I'm glad. Even though any day is a day to choose to change things, it just seems fitting to use the new year. I'm finding that I don't know my girls much any more. I do but I don't. They're growing up and their needs and desires change and I guess I need to get used to the fact that I'm not all they need anymore. That's a tough thing to swallow. We've been growing apart for a while and it's killing me. My promise is to spend more time with them and to make every effort see more of them and to make each day count with them. I love you sweeties. TTP

Peace in God

It's been a weird time this past month. There has great joy and great sorrow and hurt. There has been confusion and pain. Celebration and a little remorse. I have never felt the different changes in emotions like I have this week alone. Kids do that to us though. That's their job I think. Thats just a joke. But no matter what, God has been there and helped get me through it. I've really never understood the full amount of peace He brings when we allow Him to do so. When we trust Him, fully trust Him to do what He says He will do in our lives, He will give you peace; peace beyond any understanding. It doesn't make things go away, it just makes thing easier to handle. It also helps to know that we are never too far away or fallen too far away for Him to comfort us. And when we find ourselves in those good times and things are going well, He helps us to better appreciate the place we are in. The very next choice we make is the one that matter s now. The past is that, past. We are where we are and it's what we do from here that will determine where we go and end up. Learn from the past and let it go, but don't forget it. If you do you are doomed to repeat it. I love you more than anything. No one will love you more. TTP

A True Champion

The mark of a true champion shows in how they handle adversity. When the going seems tough for some the champion emerges. They will not concede defeat until the final whistle blows and the last amount of themselves is spent. Anything less is less of a champion. Some are naturally destined to be champions. The ones who chose to be, have worked the hardest to be. Do not let yourself down. You are champion. Play like a champion today.  I love you. TTP

It's A New Year

Well, here we go. It's a new year and the last ended the same as this one started, I didn't see either one of them. I have at some point failed miserably with the the oldest. The youngest and I are still close and able to talk to each other. I think J just thinks I'm and idiot. She has no idea of the things ahead for her. She won't put forth the effort to strive for it either. She says she wants help but won't take any because it's not the kind she wants. She wants respect but will not give any and takes full advantage of her mom. She is the prodigal. Ash is the oldest and I am the father. Differences; Ash will rejoice when J comes home. I will not be as good as the father in the story. I vow to do my best though. I will never again say to her " I told you so". She is my daughter, and love her with all I am. She as owned me since the day she was born. I will do for her now the same as before but now I can see where I got in the way of her growing up. Ash has been blessed in seeing the errors of J's ways and listens to what is said to her. J is stronger than Ash but both have weakness and strength of their own making. I just need J to find the road home. She's lost in the forest and crumbs have been eaten. I'm helpless in helping her. I can only call out to her and hope she hears. This will be the year of her return. I just know it.  TTP

Still In Love With You

Things in life just never cease to amaze me. Kids are always at the front of what we do in life. We are always trying to teach and instruct them in the ways of life. Girls, sometimes I feel like I have done as much as possible to give you a direction to follow. I have made sure you see that ultimately the choice is yours to make. One time I will hear from one and then not the other. Then it will be just the opposite. I think of the Bible story of the prodigal son. I have daughters and though I've never been without them, I have spent the last year without either of them under the same roof with me. One for nearly 4 years and the last one for over a year. Each for a different reason, but gone just the same. I welcome the day that I can slaughter a fatted calf and have big party to celebrate them being home. A dads heart for his daughters is the most fragile thing in the world. The big tough protector of the family, the head lion in his pride. No one can touch them, no one can bring them harm. His own death is the only way to them. But when the day is over, it is the daughters themselves who own him. They hold his heart in their hands. Their love for him is what makes his heart beat. His legacy will live on through them. Their life a testimony of the love they have been shown. There is no one who has or ever will love you as much as I do. I hope that one day you can see that and that all the those long boring talks about life sink in and are passed on to your own kids. It saddens my heart to not see you every day. A dads heart, fragile and exposed but strong enough to be vulnerable for examination. There you find love so deep it cannot be measured. Daddy's girls. They are daddy's girls til the day he dies. Age is of no concern when that phrase is used. I love you both so much.  TTP

Birthday

It was her birthday on Monday, the youngest that is. Looking forward to a visit from all the family, especially the oldest daughter.  I got a hug and a how are you. Tension is stressed to say the least. I really miss her. I just keep hoping she will find her way to see that all the things I've been doing is for her best interest. I love her so much. I need her to make better choices for herself. She has this idea that just because you were friends with someone, that it means your friends to the end. The end is when they lead you down the wrong road and care about you anymore. J you have to find yourself and begin leading your own life. This has to be about you right now until you get back to a better place and solid ground for your feet. I love you sweet heart. Dad

A New Day

So the world didn't end on May 21st. It made some people think though. It made me think too, about the job I'm doing in leading you both to a life in Christ. I'm failing to some degree. I not sure of myself when I talk to you about it all. It's funny how when you talk to strangers or friends, it's a lot easier than talking to your family. It just shouldn't be that way. I hope that I have not and am not letting you down. I pray daily for the wisdom to give to you to help you find your way. It is your journey to make and that is the realization I have finally come to. I can't make you do or be something you're not. It is killing me to know that I really have no control in the matter. It's just the nature of a dad to be the protector and leader of his family. Even one as dysfunctional as ours sometimes seems to be. There is no greater love than a parent for their children. Hence the reason God sent His son to die for His other children. I've always told you both that there is no one who loves you more than me. That's not true. God does, and that's where I have learned to move out of the way and let Him work in your life. I will continue to do the best I can and to try and live as an example of love for Him and you. TTP

To J

Sweet heart you have no idea what you mean to me. You have a long road ahead of you and a dad who loves you to go the distance with you. You know all the things we have talked about over the years. You know what needs to done. You've heard all my dumb speeches. I am so looking forward to all the things ahead of you. They will be your greatest accomplishments of all. There is no looking back at what's behind because when you do you lose sight of what's ahead of you. Fear is the devil's tool against us, and I've never seen you be scared really. So now is not the time to let it in the door. Life happens in a blink. It's time you start living yours and not the one you've made up so far. That's not you. I miss my little "pete". I'm ready for older more grown up "pete". I love you TTP

BB-9

It's the last game. Your coach won't be there next year. Don't hold back. Baby girl play like it's the last game you ever get to play. Have so much fun and try out stuff for next year. You've got the talent to be the greatest player Tulia has ever seen. Let 'em see it today. Have a blast babe. And text me when it's over. I love you. TTP 

BB-8

There is no room for the game to be in your head.  You have to play it on the court. Just play to be playing. Have fun doing it and make some mistakes and make some fun. It's ok if it doesn't go in every time, if you turn it over it's just a game. It becomes more than a game when you just play. Think about making that behind the back move or that big three. Make up a new way to steal from a sorry player from the other team. Just have fun and you'll have the best game ever. I love you babe. TTP 

BB-7

Ok. Here's the deal. Only you have the power to make your game what you want it to be. No one controls the moves you make. You can no longer hold back on the way you play this game. It is up to you be the best you can be. You have to decide that this is the day you're gonna make that difference that you can make in your team an in this game. I love you and am so proud of you. Can't wait to see you. TTP. 

BB-6

You've proven yourself to everyone now. Now you've proven it to yourself. There is no reason left to not play at your very best. The most important thing to that is also play it for the fun of it. Play like you'll never play again. Make this game the best one so far. No distractions. No excuses. Back the back one time this game. Set your goals ad go for it. If they die, they die. I love you babe. Play hard. Let me know how it goes. TTP 

BB-5

Today you have put all things out of your head. The only thing that needs to be there is today's game. Not the crap from the coach, team, or even Bailey's Pa. Just think about this game and what yo have to do. All the other stuff can wait til the game is over. Put the game in your head and play it. You are the best. Lead them don't be afraid. I love you TTP 

BB-4

Get out of your head. Play with you heart. You have the skills it takes to be the best. Do all you can when you can and leave nothing on the bench. All your heart. All your pain. All your fear. All your anger. All your love. Everything goes into this.  If it doesn't; why are you playing. Do it cause you can. I love you. TTP